The Duke of Miautenburg

…and lost. 

Not big. But, not much. Good bet, though.

and this will be the end of my pages in Tumblr… because I will now write it down on the immaculate Moleskine planner (and hey, it’s not that immaculate!!!)

30.1 10 seconds late!!!
30.2 Do I get paid to do nothing?
30.3 This is great, students laughing at my topics. They were so jiggling. And one of my greatest moments in teaching. 

Are we sure enough – that whoever we laugh with, enjoy good times with, or discuss in a variety of interests – are our true friends? Let us think again.

We have been ignoring this question within ourselves because we’re still feeling content, blessed and happy. But how can we justify sincerity among our friends? How can we tell that behind those laughter, good times, and great conversation lies only a profound thought of happiness, contentment and diversity? I am asking this question to myself not whenever I feel desolate, but rather a never-ending inquiry on how I consider truth within my so-called friends and if that is supposed to be considered extraordinary goodness.

First things first, true friends are so hard to find to come our way. We all have our own standards and it includes defining what truth is. Some true facts may turn out to become a lie in a split-second then it will emerge as truth again. The same way with sincerity: you can fake your face, you can say sweet thoughts, you can write inspiring quotes – but the heart and mind declare otherwise. And my own standards I have been adhering for years may prove incoherent when someone dear to you will fake his/her intentions. It is the truth, it hurts; and all you have to do is to accept the truth: there will be greater things that will come your way. So, let’s move on.

Next, some cynical people will tell us that the litmus test for true friendship is the ability to help you out in a crisis. Well, we all have our sorts of disasters – from love, family and work (or previously, at school) – but did they even matter? Believe me, all those friends who have helped you cope up with your previous problems will be forgotten —- thanks to our incredible attention span. Not only that, we will really tend to forget the good things and perpetuate the bad moments.

Will true friendship commence on day one? We really hope so. But not so fast – some will take years and some for moments you consider yourself jolly with each other. Will it last? It will be lucky for you if you could recall someone who will continuously remember you despite the time being apart for a period of – let’s say – 10 years. Yet, time is so endless it can forge friendships and destroy relationships we thought was so good to be true.

True friendship will be the ability to love him/her as an enemy and hate him/her as a friend. It is the never-ending desire to know each other even if you have shared your darkest secrets. Some will feel envious as to the extent of its truth, people may even tell their life details more comfortably to friends rather than with brothers or sisters, parents, and even spouses. And let us take kindly, it will be rewarding for us if we treat our loved ones with the same endearment with our true friends. This entails our absolute acceptance of various differences, without any interrogation of any unfounded doubt; and being there at our side without hesitation, without any reward in return, or without any appreciation in return. It is as true as the thing you realize the mere tone of their voices: insults considered as jokes and soft words of advice as a sort of reprimand that is not heard through the ears but pierces straight to the heart. It is as true that the mind will not analyze deeply further in search of factual basis. It is as true as you know it within your reach. It is not based on camaraderie alone: but with trust, respect and love.

True friends discuss topics that range from diverse interests and not stressing which one is better, tell achievements not to brag but to inspire, dance with music to have fun not to merely socialize, and serve each other as shock absorbers whenever anger is present. They listen wholeheartedly and not hear the whole story only to forget the whole conversation two weeks later. They may not weep with you when you cry but will try their best to make you laugh instead. They may not join you in revenge and will rather join you in your search for justice. And most of all, they will never treat you a greater or lesser person than themselves.

So, instead of finding for the true one, try to reflect: are you as true as you expect your friends to be true to you? Rather than constantly looking for some ideal person that will conform to your stringent standards, why not adapt to anyone who does not look for anything? And why look for someone too good to be true when you can have someone so bad but will turn good with you in the long run?

And why look further? Your truest friend will be yourself. No one else could be as true to you as yourself. If you are not true to yourself, then at least expect nobody will be true to you.

“The way to have a friend is to be a friend” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Incidentally, we are compelled to create human interactions in order to survive. The first that we may take into account is our relationship with our parents, our siblings, our relatives, our neighbors or with your housemaid, if you have one. And yes, after you are fixed with these relationships you need to go out into the real world and expose yourself into numerous moments of good times and bad times. It will be a good chance if you happen to experience most of your life living the happy way but then, what adds color in it is by having friends.

Friends: it’s the way of the world to move forward in this atmosphere of aridity, pretense, and false judgment. How can you ever get them?

1.       When you were a kid—

a.       You have to share your toys,

b.      Invite them to your house eating some munchies and junk food,

c.       Play endlessly in your community playground,

d.      Run and hide until the moon shines,

e.      Get bruised, scalded and scratched while quarrelling

f.        Fight today and make amends tomorrow

2.       When you were in grade school—

a.       Give them a piece of paper

b.      Share your lunch

c.       Run again and play games

d.      Cheat on playing games

e.      Listen to the latest songs

f.        Talk about your “crushes” – and fight with each other should you have the same “crush”

g.       Create “cliques”

h.      Chat through the telephone (oh well, we have still yet to talk with our friends via the telephone, believe me)

3.       When you were in high school –

a.       Sleep in someone’s house

b.      Know the taste of beer

c.       Plot the cheating arrangement

d.      Stroll in the malls and watch movies

e.      Get addicted to computer games

f.        Learn how to curse

4.       When you were in college, it’s pretty the same with the ones you did in high school; except that it is now logical to snag girlfriends who have been previously dated by your other friend and do something stupid at the house of your other friend bringing the fact that they must not care of the other friends’ parents’ embarrassment when the neighbors will hear their sighs. Or at least they don’t care whenever the other people sleeping in the same room will hear it and will be the sizzling hot gossip tomorrow.

5.       Nowadays, all you do is:

a.       Brag everything you have – whether be it about travel, salary, and everything

b.      Dine in expensive restaurants

c.       Travel with people you are really irritated to be with

d.      Talk about the other people who weren’t invited because they could not afford to be with you

e.      Whine about work, relationships and everything that could be solved alone

Which, is practically exasperating. The childish conditions on friendship were pretty easy, only to get complicated and unintelligible as you grow old.

Is it really the way of our society, not only in this country, but also in the world today? To admire people, who used to be your friends, according to his/her possessions? To gain attention among people that you are the best, or he/she is the worst, or to compare everything in between? Is it appropriate to talk about other people’s backs? What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Is it good to scorn people just because they don’t fit with your personality? Is it way better to be with richer people in order to uplift your social status? Will it be great to befriend people of venerable pedigree so as to update your bland résumé with reputable character references?

I may have less than a thousand friends in Facebook; goes out with friends for dinner once or twice a month; does not have an iPhone, a car, or a condominium unit; or a great face. But then, I don’t want to reserve within the confines of the societal dogma that pre-define the meaning of true friendship. We are not in a race on having the most friends; but we must pursue to live our life without false assumptions. And yes, I believe we must be-friend someone regardless of his/her social status, personality, beliefs, religion, habits and past. 

Oh, yes, it’s so hard, I agree. There were some you have met for more than ten years but still manage to stare you with cold treatment, while some you may have met yesterday will welcome you with great joy; and the harsh truth is: some of your most regarded friends do not regard you the same way, and some of your ignored friends love you as much as themselves.

And, I forgot: yes, we have some best among our chosen friends; but at least don’t ignore what you don’t consider best. Appreciate every ounce of care they offer you, thank every attention they pay you and understand any differences that may bring the best of you. 

I’m glad I have had so few I could count it, and I could remember all their birthdays. It’s so rewarding that every moment I spent with them is an evidence of God’s existence. No need to notify who are they, we just know it by ourselves.

28.1 Done nothing relevant. Wait…

28.2 Jogged with jogging buddy. Having that sheepish smile when I’m 25 pounds lighter than him. Teehee

28.3 Procrastinated.

28.4 Bought barong Tagalog and slacks for my classes. Imagine, I have been teaching for four months running, without salary yet, and I’ve just decided today to buy a proper teaching attire.

28.5 Reflected. It’s 5-0. Gotta leave the house “where I gatecrashed — then, the homeowners were astounded — finally, I was kicked out of it”.

29.1 Woke up with a fantastic soupy, tangy sinampalukang manok.

29.2 Rewarded myself with a forty-peso haircut. Pffft.

29.3 And wait, I will be deleting someone from my Registry of Friends.

26.1 Cancelled my classes due to my loafers’ failure.

26.2 And ended drinking Tanduay Ice with new friends.

26.3 Before than, I enjoyed BIBIMBAP!!!

27. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s 256th Birthday.

27.1 Went home the earliest in 1 week.